what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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