2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
