I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
