I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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