Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
