i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
did you just send me my own nude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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