I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
