yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
