will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
