I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
