I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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