Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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