sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
