My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
