We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
