I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize