just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
