I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
