Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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