Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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