the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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