He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
