I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bring me that man meat
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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