I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
