wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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