Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
