Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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