That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
