please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
