you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize