so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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