Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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