How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
