"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
time to smoke my breakfast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
