Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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