Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
