making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
