I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
