I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
