I just made out with a guy for $7.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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