I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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