I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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