Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
