I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
