at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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