you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
