dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
