I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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