i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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