Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize