See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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