She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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