I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
