Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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