I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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