I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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