they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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