All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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