I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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