I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
