i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
