fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize