Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
