I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The air taste purple.
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