a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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