My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
