So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
