sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
