So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
