I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
