I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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