u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nutella sex= disaster
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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