I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
