i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
