Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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