I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
