i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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