well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This baby is an asshole
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
