: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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