woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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