can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
