Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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