I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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