...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
