my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
