hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
