i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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