Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
