it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
